100 Reasons to be a Redneck

1) Beer.
2) Bourbon
3) Sour Mash.
4) Beer gut is Y2K compliant.
5) Have no problem picking up fresh roadkill for supper.
6) Giant tires on truck will drive over & crush any ultra-expensive sports car.
7) Beer.
8) Can drink on Sunday no matter what blue laws are in effect.
9) Can repair anything, including the Space Shuttle, with baling wire, duct tape, pocket knife & Vise grips.
10) Get to hate yankees.
11) Get to hate foreigners.
12) Extended family means that anyone who messes with you is suddenly messing with most of the county.
13) Can survive anywhere on planet.
14) Beer.
15) Were NASCAR fans before the rest of y'all knew what was going on.
16) Cool gun racks in window of truck.
17) Get to display the Confederate battle flag.
18) Can whip anything on the planet one-on-one.
19) Have chance to die in a blaze of glory, yelling "Y'all watch this!" instead of dying of old age in a nursing home.
20) Can move house whenever get tired of the scenery.
21) Beer.
22) Carefully cultivated stupid act makes people underestimate rednecks.
23) Can be rude in the public without causing huge scene. It's expected.
24) Don't have to watch, hear or appreciate classical music, modern art, opera, ballet, etc. unless own chillun are involved.
25) William Faulkner.
26) Mark Twain.
27) Georgia Tech, Georgia, Clemson, Alabama, Auburn, Florida State, Florida, Texas A&M, Tennessee, Ole Miss, Mississippi State, North Carolina, Miami, etc. - The most ass-kicking stomp-yer-face into the mud college football teams on the planet.
28) Beer.
29) The Fall Line (It's a South Georgia thang).
30) Country Music is No. 1 in the nation.
31) Southern gals are sexy when they talk slow.
32) The South will rise again.
33) The Grand Ole Opry.
34) Elvis.
35) Hank Williams.
36) The Delta.
37) Tabasco Sauce.
38) Got the biggest useable state in the nation, Texas. Alaska is bigger, but nobody can live there.
39) Low Country boils.
40) Understand grits.
41) Know how to correctly pronounce chitterlings.
42) Catfish. 100-pound catfish.
43) Can see blood, including own, without fainting, passing out, screaming or otherwise acting like a hysterical yankee.
44) The Smokey Mountains.
45) Gen. Robert E. Lee.
46) It's the War of Northern Aggression, not the Civil War.
47) Can combine forces with all other rednecks and generate enough lifting power to dump California in the ocean and be done with it once and for all.
48) Beer.
49) Cornbread.
50) Fried chicken.
51) More fried chicken.
52) Understand how to correctly pronounce Taliferro.
53) Margaret Mitchell and Gone with the Wind.
54) Beer.
55) Bear Bryant.
56) Can eat virtually anything rolled in flour and cornmeal then fried in hot grease.
57) Cool nicknames: Bubba, Peanut, Catfish, Goober.
58) Hillary Clinton is moving to New York and most likely taking her husband with her.
59) Tom Petty
60) Can stay outside in 100 degree heat with 95 percent humidity without whining like a slapped bitch.
61) Get to piss in yard during the day.
62) Drunk tank = Free motel room when on vacation.
63) Don't pay to watch grown men sit on alligators.
64) Vacation timed to match deer season.
65) Secret language not understood by anyone not from the South.
67) Beer.
68) Can throw watermelons at road signs, mail boxes, yankees, etc.
69) Cow tilting was invented in the South.
70) Don't have to own a suit until death. Then funeral home provides a suit.
71) Ditto ties.
72) Can fuck anything that moves and many things that don't.
73) Understand crawdads.
74) Beer.
75) Get to have neat gunfights with BATF agents.
76) Know what a tornado sounds like and can describe it without thinking.
77) Understand that the South didn't lose the War of Northern Aggression. Gen. Grant was a kleptomaniac and stole Gen. Lee's sword. Lee was too much of a gentleman to ask for the sword to be returned.
78) A 12 gauge beats that KungTaeFooToeJam shit any day of the week and twice before lunch on Monday.
79) Drive by shootings happen at night, in corn fields, with deer as victims.
80) The Allman Brothers.
81) Southern Baptists will be the only people in Heaven.
82) A Southern momma with a peachtree switch is invincible and capable of stopping the planet's rotation if so inclined.
83) Know better than to eat fresh peaches while wearing a *good* shirt.
84) Beer.
85) Georgia State Troopers are the meanest law enforcement officers on the planet.
86) Understand y'all is plural.
87) Don't have to fake a Southern accent when visiting Alabama.
88) Can live happily ever after without ever leaving home county.
89) Know where Nyami is (It's a South Georgia thang).
90) Can affect dumb look while being verbally abused by a New Yorker and then cheerfully empty his wallet by selling him rattlesnake and porcupine eggs.
91) Can cry when best dog dies.
92) The Okefenokee.
93) Southern women win the Miss America pageant more than women from other regions.
94) Lewis Grizzard.
95) Understand what it means to be a redheaded step-child.
96) If in the military, can complete Special Forces training in half the time needed by yankees.
97) Can barbeque a goat.
98) Can make explosives on any farm without written instructions.
99) Get to secretly fuck the daughters of all the asshole bastards who despise you.
100) Beer.