Ways To Get Rid Of A Blind Date

Pull out a harmonica and play blues songs when your date begins talking about himself.

Attempt to auction your date off to people nearby.

Discretely fill your pockets with sugar packets, napkins, salt shakers, silverware, floral arrangements, etc.

Hold a debate - Take both sides.

Undress your date verbally.

When ordering, inquire whether the restaurant has any live food.

Without asking, eat off of your date's plate.  Eat more from their plate than they do.

Chew with your mouth open, talk with your mouth full and spray crumbs. If a crumb lands anywhere near your date, pick up the crumb, put it in your mouth and say, "I'm all about conservation."

Eat everything on your plate within 30 seconds of it being placed in front of you.

Excuse yourself to use the restroom.  Go back to the head waiter and ask for another table in a different part of the restaurant. Order another meal.  When your date finally finds you, ask: "What took you so long in the bathroom?"

Drool.

Stand up every five minutes, circle your table with your arms outstretched, and make airplane sounds.

Sacrifice French fries to a Pagan god.

Stare at your date's neck and grind your teeth audibly.

Twitch spastically.  If your date asks about it, pretend you don't know what he's talking about.

Hum.  Loudly.  In monotone.

Order a bucket of lard.

Upon entering the restaurant, ask for a seat away from the windows, with a good view of all exits, and where your back will be facing a wall. Act nervous.

Lick your plate.  Offer to lick your date's.

Ask for crayons to color the placemat.  You'll need to be extra persuasive in fancier restaurants with linen tablecloths.

Howl and whistle at women's legs, especially if you're female.

Recite your dating history.  Improvise.  Include pets and relatives.

Recite dirty limericks to the people at the table next to you.

Ask the people at neighboring tables for food.

Beg your date to tattoo your name on her derriere.  Keep bringing the subject up periodically throughout the meal.

 

Back