Why It's Great To Be A Bloke
1. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
2. You know stuff about tanks.
3. You don't have to remember everyone's birthdays and anniversaries.
4. A week's holiday requires only one suitcase.
5. You don't have to monitor your friends' personal lives.
6. You can open all your own jars.
7. Old friends don't give you crap if you've lost or gained weight.
8. Dry cleaners and haircutter's don't rob you blind.
9. When channel surfing, you don't have to stall on every shot of someone crying.
10. A beer gut does not make you invisible to the opposite sex.
11. Match of the Day.
12. You don't have to lug a bag of useless stuff around everywhere you go.
13. You can go to the bathroom without a support group.
14. Your last name stays put.
15. You can leave a hotel bed unmade.
16. When your work is criticised, you don't have to panic that everyone secretly hates you.
17. You can kill your own food.
18. The garage is all yours.
19. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
20. You never have to clean the toilet. Or oven.
21. You can be showered and ready in 10 minutes.
22. Wedding plans take care of themselves.
23. If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
24. Your underwear is $5 for a three pack.
25. You understand why Beavis and Butthead is funny.
26. None of your co-workers have the power to make you cry.
27. You don't have to shave below your neck.
28. You don't have to bother having a proper conversation with your mates down the pub.
29. Everything on your head stays its original color.
30. Chocolate is just another snack.
31. You can understand the offside rule in football.
32. You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger seat.
33. Flowers fix everything.
34. You never have to worry about other people's feelings.
35. You can wear a white shirt in the rain.
36. Three pair of shoes are more than enough for most of your life.
37. You can say anything and not worry about what people think.
38. Michael Bolton doesn't live in your universe.
39. Nobody stops telling a good dirty joke when you walk into the room.
40. You can whip your shirt off on a hot day.
41. You don't have to clean your flat if the meter reader is coming by.
42. Car mechanics tell you the truth.
43. You don't give a toss if no one notices your new haircut.
44. You can watch a game in silence with your mate for hours without even thinking "He must be mad at me"
45. You never misconstrue innocuous statements to mean your lover is about to leave you.
46. You can play and enjoy computer games other than Tetris.
47. One mood, all the time.
48. You can admire Tim Roth without starving yourself to look like him.
49. You can remember the punchlines to jokes.
50. You know at least 20 ways to open a beer bottle.
51. Gray hair and wrinkles add character.
52. Wedding Dress $3000; Morning suit hire $100.
53. You don't care if someone is talking about you behind your back.
54. You don't mooch off others' desserts.
55. If you retain water, it's in a canteen.
56. The remote is yours and yours alone.
57. People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.
58. You can sit in a pub on your own without plonkers trying to pick you up.
59. You can drop by to see a friend without bringing a little gift.
60. Stag nights are much more fun than Hen nights.
61. You have a normal and healthy relationship with your mother.
62. You needn't pretend you're "freshening up" to go to the bathroom.
63. If you don't call your buddy when you say you will, he won't tell your friends you've changed.
64. Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "So... notice anything different?"
65. If another bloke shows up at the party in the same outfit, you might become lifelong buddies.
66. You can teach your friend's children swear words.
67. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
68. You think the idea of punting a small dog is funny.
69. If something mechanical didn't work, you can bash it with a hammer and throw it across the room.