The Good, The Bad, & The Ugly

Good: Your wife and you agree, no more kids
Bad:   She can't find her birth control pills
Ugly:  Your daughter borrowed them

Good: Your son studies a lot in his room
Bad:   You find several porn movies hidden there.
Ugly:  You're in them

Good: The husband understands fashion
Bad:   He's a cross-dresser
Ugly:  He looks better than the wife

Good: Your son's finally maturing
Bad:   He's involved with the woman next door
Ugly:  So are you

Good: You give the birds and bees talk to your daughter
Bad:   She keeps interrupting
Ugly:  With corrections

Good: Your wife's not talking to you
Bad:   She wants a divorce
Ugly:  She's a lawyer

Good: The postman's early
Bad:   He's wearing fatigues and carrying an AK47
Ugly:  You gave him nothing for Christmas

Good: Your daughter got a new job
Bad:   As a hooker
Ugly:  Your co-workers are her best clients
Way ugly: She makes more money than you do

Good: You're son is dating someone new
Bad:   It's another man
Ugly:  He's you're best friend

Good: You're wife is pregnant.
Bad:   It's triplets
Ugly:  You had a vasectomy five years go.