Lightbulb Jokes

How many Californians does it take to change a light bulb?
Six. One to turn the bulb, one for support, and four to relate to the experience.

How many Oregonians does it take to change a light bulb?
Five. One to turn the bulb, and four to chase away the Californians who have come to relate to the experience.

How many New Yorkers does it take to change a light bulb?
Fifty. Fifty? Yeah, fifty! It's in the contract!

How many straight, normal San Franciscans does it take to change a light bulb?
Both of them.

How many folk singers does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old one was.

How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?
None. The light bulb will change itself when it is ready.

How many people from New Jersey does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. One to change the bulb, one to witness, and one to shoot the witness.

How many Real Men does it take to change a light bulb?
None. Real Men aren't afraid of the dark.

How many Real Women does it take to change a light bulb?
None. A Real Woman would have lots of Real Men around to change it.

How many Polacks does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one, but you need 6,000 Russian troops in case he goes on strike.

How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
How many can you afford?

How many accountants does it take to change a light bulb?
What kind of answer have you got in mind?

How many Jewish mothers does it take to change a light bulb?
None. "Don't mind me, I'll just sit here in the dark while you go out and have fun."

How many generals does it take to change a light bulb?
1,000,001. One to change the bulb, and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where we need light bulbs again.

How many existentialists does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to screw it in, and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out towards a cosmos of nothingness.

How many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Blondes screw in back seats, not in lightbulbs, silly.

How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb?
"What's a lightbulb?"
One. She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her.
Two. One to hold the Diet Pepsi, and one to call, "Daaady!"

Why can't blondes put in light bulbs?
They keep breaking them with the hammers.

Three blondes are attempting to change a light bulb. One of them decides to call 911:
Blonde: We need help. We're three blondes changing a light bulb.
Operator: Hmmmmm. You put in a fresh bulb?
Blonde: Yes.
Operator: The power in the house in on?
Blonde: Of course.
Operator: And the switch is on?
Blonde: Yes, yes.
Operator: And the bulb still won't light up?
Blonde: No, it's working fine.
Operator: Then what's the problem?
Blonde: We got dizzy spinning the ladder around and we all fell and hurt ourselves.

How many vampires does it take to put in a lightbulb?
None, vampires like the dark.

HOW MANY DOGS DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHT BULB?
ROTTWEILER: Just one.  You want to make something of it?
AUSTRALIAN SHEPHERD:  One, but just "try" to convince them that the burned-out bulb is useless and should be thrown away.
JACK RUSSELL TERRIER:  Two, but the job never gets done -- they just keep arguing about who is supposed to do it and how it's supposed to be done!
BULLDOG:  Just one.  But it takes them three years to do it.
POMERANIANS don't change light bulbs, although sometimes their agent will get a German Shepherd in to do the job for them while they're out.
PUG:  Er, two.  Or maybe one.  No -- on second thought, make that two. Is that OK with you?
GOLDEN RETRIEVER:  The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned-out light bulb?
AFGHAN:  Light bulb.  What light bulb?
POODLE:  Sorry, Just had my nails done
BEAGLE:  How many cookies do I get?
WEIMARANER:  Light bulb?  You want ME to change a LIGHT BULB
LAB:  Why change it?  The darker it is, the longer I can sleep.
BASENJI:  LIGHT BULB We don't change no steenking light bulbs
MALAMUTE:  Let him do it, you can pet me while he's busy.
GOLDEN RETRIEVER: "I'll be glad to change the light bulb for you, but first can't we play catch with the tennis ball, or Frisbee -- and then I want to lick your face and rest my head in your lap and look up at you with my sad eyes.  What, you're changing the light bulb yourself -- you didn't have to do that -- but I looooove you so much for being my friend and doing that."
BORDER COLLIE:  Just one.  And he'll rewire the house while he's at it.
GERMAN SHEPHERD:  "I'm kinda busy right now!  I have to chase the cat, protect the kids, herd the horses, beg for food and take a nap.  I'll add the light bulb to my TO DO list

How many programmers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, its a hardware problem!

 

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