A teacher puts a photograph of a tomcat on the blackboard, and proceeds to
ask the class, if they can tell her how the tail is attached to the cat.
Little Mary has the first attempt and answers "by fur Miss?"
The teacher replies "not quite right Mary but a good try."
Meanwhile all during the lesson Little Johnny is sitting down the back raising his hand in the air saying "Me Miss!" "Me Miss!"
The next student the teacher's picks is Peter, and he answers "is it attached by skin Miss?"
The teacher replies......"not quite right either Peter.... any body else want to try?"
Finally, the teacher had no choice but to pick Little Johnny.
She said to Johnny "what do you think the tail is attached by?"
Johnny replied, "Judging by the size of those nuts on the cat... I'd say it would have to be bolted on!"
The teacher asked her students to use the word "fascinate" in a
Mary said, "My family went to the New York City Zoo, and we saw all the animals. It was fascinating."
The teacher said, "That was good, but I wanted the word "fascinate."
Sally raised her hand. She said, "My family went to the Philadelphia Zoo and saw the animals. I was fascinated."
The teacher said, "good, but I wanted the word "fascinate."
Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because Johnny was noted for his bad language. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word "fascinate" so she called on him.
Johnny said, "My sister has a sweater with 10 buttons, but her boobs are so big she can only "fasten 8."
The pretty teacher was concerned with one of
her young students so she took him aside after class one day.
"Little Johnny, why has your school work been so poor lately?"
"I'm in love," replied Little Johnny.
Holding back an urge to smile, the teacher asked, "With whom?"
"With you!" he said.
"But Little Johnny," said the teacher gently, "don't you see how silly that is? Sure I'd like a husband of my own someday... but I don't want a child."
"Oh, don't worry," said Little Johnny reassuringly, "I'll use a rubber!"
A new teacher was trying to make use of her
She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand up!"
After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up.
The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?"
"No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"
Susie Sunshine asked her Sunday School class
to draw pictures of their favorite Bible stories.
She was puzzled by Little Johnny's picture, which showed four people on an airplane, so she asked him which story it was meant to represent.
"The Flight to Egypt," said Johnny.
"I see... And that must be Mary, Joseph, and Baby Jesus," Susie said. "But who's the fourth person?"
"Oh, that's Pontius -- the Pilot!"
Little Johnny's new baby brother was screaming
up a storm.
He asked his mom, "Where'd we get him?"
His mother replied, "He came from heaven, Johnny."
Johnny says, "WOW! I can see why they threw him out!"
Grandpa was showing little Johnny around the
farm, and when they come to the corral, he explained, "That's a bull and a
cow, and he's serving her."
A little later on, he said, "That's a stud and a mare, and he's serving her too."
That night at supper, after everyone was seated and grace was said, Grandma turned to Grandpa and said, "Will you please serve the turkey?"
Little Johnny jumped up and yelled "If he does, I'm eating a hamburger!"
One day little Johnnie came up to his father
and asked, "Dad, where did I come from?"
Dad squirmed a bit, but thought it was time his son knew the facts of life.
So, Dad told his son how the expression of love resulted in the beginning of life, how life developed in the womb and finally how a child was born.
As Dad told the story, his son's eyes got wider and wider.
When Dad was finished, his son said, "Wow, that's really neat. That sure beats what Billy told me. He said that he came from Philadelphia."
The teacher says, "Okay, class, we're
going to play a game today. I want everyone to give me a sentence with the
word 'perhaps' in it."
Claude says, "Perhaps if we are good, the teacher won't give us any homework."
The teacher says, "Very good, Claude."
Mary says, "The sky is very dark...perhaps it's going to rain."
The teacher says, "Very good, Mary."
She calls on Little Johnny in the back.
Johnny says, "Yesterday, when I got home from school, my sister and her music teacher both had their pants down to their ankles. Perhaps they were gonna shit on the piano."
Little Johnny's kindergarten class was on a
field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures, on the
bulletin board, of the 10 most wanted men.
One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person.
"Yes," said the policeman. "The detectives want him very badly."
So Little Johnny asked, "Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture?"
A kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children
while they drew.
She would occasionally walk around to see each child's artwork.
As she came to Little Johnny, who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.
He replied, "I'm drawing God."
The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like."
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing he replied, "They will in a minute."