"Filthy, Stinking Rich -- Well, Two Out of Three Ain't Bad"
"Real Men Don't Waste Their Hormones Growing Hair"
"Upon the Advice of My Attorney, My Shirt Bears No Message at This Time"
"Happiness Is Seeing Your Mother-in-law on a Milk Carton"
"That's It! I'm Calling Grandma!" - (seen on an 8 year old)
"Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew Up"
"Rehab Is for Quitters"
"My Husband and I Married for Better or Worse - He Couldn't Do Better and I Couldn't Do Worse"
"My Dog Can Lick Anyone"
"I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts -- Do You Want Fries With That?"
"Party -- My Crib - Two A.M." (On a baby-size shirt)
"Finally 21, and Legally Able to Do Everything I've Been Doing Since 15"
"If a woman's place is in the home WHY AM I ALWAYS IN THIS CAR!"
"West Virginia: One Million People, Fifteen Last Names"
"FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION. It comes bundled with the software."
"I'M OUT OF OESTROGEN AND I'VE GOT A GUN....any questions?"
"A hangover is the wrath of grapes"
"STUPIDITY IS NOT A HANDICAP. Park elsewhere!"
"Where there's a will I want to be in it"
"MOOSEHEAD: A great beer and a new experience for a moose"
"They call it "PMS" because "Mad Cow Disease" was already taken"
"He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead"
"Time's fun when you're having flies.......Kermit the Frog"
"POLICE STATION TOILET STOLEN ....Cops have nothing to go on."
"HECK IS WHERE PEOPLE GO WHO DON'T BELIEVE IN GOSH"
"A PICTURE IS WORTH A THOUSAND WORDS--But it uses up a thousand times the memory."
"The Meek shall inherit the earth....after the rest of us are through with it."
"Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana."
"HAM AND EGGS - A day's work for a chicken; A lifetime commitment for a pig."
"HARD WORK WILL PAY OFF LATER. LAZINESS PAYS OFF NOW!"
"WELCOME TO KENTUCKY - Set your watch back 20 years."
"The trouble with life is there's no background music."
"Suicidal Twin Kills Sister By Mistake!"
"The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson."
"Two rights do not make a wrong. They make an airplane."
"MY WILD OATS HAVE TURNED TO SHREDDED WHEAT"
"Automobile -A mechanical device that runs up hills and down people."
"Computer programmers don't byte, they nybble a bit."
"Computer programmers know how to use their hardware."
"MOP AND GLOW -Floor wax used by Three Mile Island cleanup team."
"NyQuil -The stuffy, sneezy, why-the-hell-is-the-room-spinning medicine."
"Quoting one is plagiarism. Quoting many is research."
"IF YOU CAN READ THIS, THE B*TCH FELL OFF AGAIN!"
My husband and I divorced over religious differences - He thought he was God and I didn't!