Eric Cartman Quotes.

  1. Well you know, you'll just be sitting there, minding your own business, and they’ll come marching in and crawl up your leg and start biting the inside of your ass. And you'll be all like, "Hey, get out of my ass, you stupid rainbows!"
  2. Dolphins, eskimos, who cares? It’s all a bunch of tree-hugging hippy crap.
  3. Listen, I have a nice body and I want to show it off, you got that?
  4. Yeah, go home, you little dildo!
  5. Shut up, dildo!
  6. God damn it, they didn't do anything to my ass! It was just a dream!
  7. I'm not fat ... and you obviously like her because you throw up every time she talks to you.
  8. I would if I could, you son of a bitch!
  9. Ow! That hurts, you butt-licker!
  10. God damn it, I didn't have an anal probe! Screw you guys, I'm goin' home.
  11. Mom! Kitty's being a dildo!
  12. Really. Uh, I don't think I can fart anymore tonight.
  13. Okay, that's does it! Now listen! Why is it that everything today has involved things either going in or coming out of my ass?!
  14. You guys, I am seriously getting pissed off right now! I know there is no such things as aliens!
  15. Well, I was standing out in a field and I had this huge satellite dish sticking out of my butt. And then there were hundreds of cows and aliens and then I went up on the ship and Scott Baio gave me pink eye.
  16. You piece of crap, I'll kill you!
  17. This is like the gun I used in 'Nam.
  18. Hey, I'll blow your friggin' head off!
  19. My mom says there's a lot of black people in Africa.
  20. Democrats piss me off!
  21. Ah, dude! I'm starting to have flashbacks.
  22. I got your back, soldier.
  23. Yeah, hippy, go back to Woodstock if you can't shoot anything.
  24. I'll fill you full of lead!
  25. Shut up, I didn’t pee my pants!
  26. I am Scuzzlebutt, Lord of the Mountains. Behold my Patrick Duffy leg!
  27. God damn it, don't shoot me!
  28. Yeah, cartoons kick ass!
  29. Hey, he's doing something to his ass. He's not kicking his ass, but he's definitely doing something to his ass.
  30. Yeah, dude, I think your dog is gay.
  31. That dog is a gay homosexual.
  32. Hey, speaking of pounding ass, here comes Stan's little homo dog.
  33. I would never let a woman kick my ass. If she tried anything, I'd be like: "Hey, you get your bitch ass back in the kitchen and make me some pie!"
  34. Yeah, if some sissy chick tried to kick my ass, I'd be all like: "Hey, listen, missy, eh, why don't you go knit me a sweater before I slap you in the face?"
  35. I don't think my pig would want to make love to that stupid elephant.
  36. Why does this happen every month? It seems like, right around the same time every month, Kyle's mom gets a hair up her ass about something and I always end up getting screwed by it!
  37. Yeah, just cause your mom is a stupid bitch doesn't mean the whole world has to suffer.
  38. My uncle says that smoking crack is kinda cool.
  39. Mr Garrison, why do poor people always smell like sour milk?
  40. We found an Ethiopian, can we keep him?
  41. Yeah, here you get to eat all you want for only $6.99. That's why we all come here on Tuesday nights, except for Kenny’s family ‘cause to them $6.99 is two years income. Why is your family poor, Starvin Marvin? Is your dad an alcoholic, too?
  42. Kenny's family is so poor that yesterday they had to put their cardboard box up for a second mortgage. I said your family had to put a cardboard box up for a second mortgage. Kenny! I'm talking to you Kenny, achtung! Poor piece of crap.
  43. Lieben est verboten, a es scriben uts, ka liederhosen, lieben est verboten, God damn it!
  44. Are you crazy? I'm the candy master.
  45. Hey, why don't you go back to San Fransisco with the rest of the Jews?
  46. Well, good job, Einstein. Why don't we just build a rocket in the meantime?
  47. That's a bunch of crap. Kyle’s mom is dirty Jew.
  48. You vas deferens!
  49. You owe me a sweetie pop, asshole!
  50. Dude, he's gonna fart on his head again.

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